Heero Goes *Eek*
by Robin3
Summary: ^_^ I've got a little bit of everything in this one...every character gets bashed (especially Relena, for some *unknown* reason...) The G-Boyz are at the Winner Mansion, and there's a few other people as well...things get weird...things get fruity...thing


Hello, and welcome to a wonderful, humorous rendition of GW. I have just about everything in here, and everyone is made fun of. Be warned! ^_^ Oh, and Katie, Loa, and MLT are my friends and fellow authors, so it's not my fault if they are nutcases. Actually, it is my fault, 'cuz I wrote them, but that's besides the point.  
  
  
Disclaimer: Here we go I do not own Gundam Wing. If I did, I would be as rich as Quatre. But I don't, so I'm not. And I don't pretend I own anything, either. So don't sue. Get it? Got it? Good. I also don't own the Wizard of Oz, Savage Garden, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Sailor Moon, the Simpsons, Jerry Falwell (thank god for that), Plaster of Paris, hot-melt glue, liquid nails, castor oil, La-Z-Boy, Julius Caeser, Hell, or Duo's Braid. I don't plan to own any of these, either. So hahaha.  
  
  
  
Robin: Hello, I am Robin, your Author, and I have a tale to tell you. It all started back in A.C. 197, when the five gundam pilots were visited by Relena (good god) and three other girls... me, Katie, and Loa. Now, I'm pretty normal except that I'm nuts over Trowa, and the two of them are nuts over Heero. If you aren't scared yet, you will be soon enough. The mob of people are amassed in Quatre's study right now. Scene 1... Relena sees Heero, and because she's such a stalker, jumps on his back...^_^  
  
Relena: (in a high-pitched, squealing voice) Heero! (jumps on his back)  
  
Heero: You stupid stalking moron! Get off of me! (Pushes Relena off)  
  
Relena: But...but why, Heero?  
  
Heero: I am sick when I do look on thee!  
  
Relena: And I am sick when I look *not* on thee!  
  
Heero: Let me go! (pushes her away and runs off to the bathroom to get the Relena-sludge off of him)  
  
Relena: I'll follow thee! (runs after Heero)  
  
All: *sweatdrop*  
  
Robin: Well then...  
  
Duo: (whining) Why??? Why did Heero leave me??? I'm so *lonely*...  
  
Katie: Give it up, Duo, Heero ain't gay.  
  
Duo: How would *you* know?  
  
Katie: *I* am supreme ruler of the Universe, SAILOR GALAXIA!  
  
All: Huh?  
  
Katie: (swears) Don't any of you guys watch Sailor Moon? That is, like, the best show ever!!!  
  
Robin: Uhh...Katie? This is a Gundam Wing parody. Sailor Moon is in a different category of fics.  
  
Katie: Shut your trap.  
  
Quatre: She's right, you know. You don't see too many girls running around here in miniskirts, do you?  
  
Katie: I guess not.  
  
Loa: Except Relena, of course...  
  
Relena (from the bathroom): Shut up. Do you think I actually choose my own wardrobe?  
  
Loa: Hopefully not.  
  
Relena: And don't even get me started on my hair. God. It's like the mop-top from Hell...but with fruity little braids that tie in back!!!  
  
Loa: I see your point.  
  
Robin: Hey, Loa, and you too, Katie, you guys shouldn't be talking. You came to school one day with your hair done up just like Relena...  
  
Loa and Katie in unison: Don't remind us.  
  
Katie: (pointing her finger of blame at Loa) It was her fault.  
  
Loa: No it wasn't!  
  
Heero (from somewhere in the bathroom): Omae o korosu, Relena.  
  
Relena (also in the bathroom): *Eek* (runs from bathroom and continues conversation with Loa and Katie) Look, I'm sure you are all equally to blame for coming to school with your hair tied up like mine, so couldn't we just talk it out peacefully?  
  
Katie (narrowing her eyes): Shut your frickin' yaphole, Peacecraft.  
  
Robin: Don't you mean Piececrap?  
  
Katie: (smiles evilly and drums her fingers together in a Mr. Burns-like fashion) Excellent.  
  
(Suddenly, a loud giggling noise is heard from the couch facing the window. Everyone turns to see Quatre sitting in Trowa's lap with his arms around his neck, smiling and giggling in that Chibi-Quatre way.)  
  
Robin: (sobs) Tr...Trowa...I thought that...that...that *I* was the only one you...you loved....  
  
Wufei: cough coughqueerscough cough  
  
Duo: (smacks Wufei upside the head to make him shut up)  
  
Trowa: Oh, you can join us, Robin.  
  
Robin: (backing away slowly until she hits the opposite wall) Uh...er...umm...no thanks...I'll pass...really...  
  
Quatre: (his eyes blow up to four times their usual size) Are you *sure*? You'd have so much *fun*...  
  
Robin: Uh...no. Really. It's alright. Stay away from me. Eek. (runs out the door)  
  
Relena: (follows Robin out the door) Wait up! I still have to force my completely unplausible and totally impossible pacifist beliefs on you!!!  
  
Heero: (Comes in, freshly showered, hair still slick and wet) Good, she's gone the stupid witch.  
  
(Katie and Loa both look at Heero. They freeze for an instant, then slowly turn their heads towards each other. When their eyes lock, they pounce on him simultaneously.)  
  
Katie: He's mine!  
  
Loa: No, he's mine!  
  
Katie: Mine!  
  
Loa: MINE!  
  
Katie: HE'S ALL MINE, YOU STUPID SONOFA-  
  
Loa: DIE!!!  
  
(A dust cloud appears where they have tackled Heero. Miscellaneous arms and legs come out of the sprawl, and various obscenities can be heard, mostly from Katies's mouth.)  
  
Wufei (standing as far back into a corner as possible and doing the arms-crossed-head-down-ankles-crossed-and-leaning-against-the-wall thing that only Wufei and every other character on GW can do): You know, you could just have a threesome...  
  
(All action stops. Everyone turns to look at him.)  
  
All: *sweatdrop*  
  
Katie and Loa in unison: AAAAGGGHHHHH!!!! EEEEEWWWWW!!! THAT'S SOOOOO GROSS!!! I CAN"T BELIEVE YOU'D SAY SOMETHING--  
  
Heero: I'd like that.  
  
(Katie and Loa freeze again and stare at Heero with a dazed look in their eyes)  
  
Katie: You *would*, Heero-chan?  
  
::Loa slaps Katie and mutters under her breath:: Baka! It's Heero-*sama*, not Heero-*chan*!  
  
Katie: But would you really *like* that, Heero?  
  
Loa: Why, of course, we'd be *happy* to--  
  
Katie: --do *anything* you want to, Heero-*sama*...  
  
Wufei: ::gets a nosebleed, as usual::  
  
Quatre: We...uhh..didn't really need to know that, girls...  
  
Duo: Look who's talking.  
  
(Trowa looks at Quatre and Robin, and for once has a smile on his face)  
  
Trowa: Hey, you two, if they're pairing up, why don't *we* do the same?  
  
Quatre: What, *us* have a threesome? I'm game.  
  
Robin, with a slightly disgusted look on her face: Umm...Trowa...do you really think that...umm...with...Quatre...is a good idea...I mean...I thought it was just...me...and...*you*...Trowa...  
  
Trowa: The more the merrier, ya know...  
  
Robin: Umm...I...uh...*no*.  
  
Quatre: Oh, alright, I guess it's just *you* and *me*, Trowa...  
  
(Trowa gives one last pleading look to Robin, then drags Quatre off somewhere in the infamous Winner mansion. Far off, the slamming of a door could be heard, followed by the click of a lock.)  
  
Robin: Thank god...they're gone...but oh how I miss Trowa...  
  
Duo: Oh please, Robin, it's been a full 6 seconds since Trowa went to the pink side of the force...  
  
Wufei: Look who's talking now, you weakling.  
  
Duo: Oh shaddup. But seriously, Robin, 6 seconds!  
  
Robin: And I already miss him!  
  
Wufei: Baka onna!  
  
  
  
  
  
~Somewhere in the Winner Mansion~  
  
  
Quatre: Ohh, Trowa..............Ouch! What the..?  
  
Trowa: Oh, I'm sorry, Quatre, did I stab you with my hair?  
  
Quatre: Yes.  
  
Trowa: I'm sorry.  
  
Quatre: You'd better be.  
  
Trowa: Nani?  
  
Quatre: Oh, did I say that out loud?  
  
Trowa: Yes.  
  
Quatre: Oh. Whoops.  
  
Trowa: Look, I'm very sorry, but I have Gel-initis. It's a *condition*.  
  
Quatre: Huh?  
  
Trowa: I'm addicted to hair gels of any kind, as well as hairsprays, paste, hot-melt glue, flypaper, liquid nails, castor oil, and Plaster of Paris.  
  
Quatre: So that's how you get your hair to stay that way....  
  
Trowa: Yup.  
  
  
  
  
  
~Elsewhere in the Great Expanse of the Winner Mansion~  
  
  
  
Robin: (swears) Doesn't Quatre have *any* decaffienated tea?  
  
MLT: Nope.  
  
Robin: Who the hell are you?  
  
MLT: I'm the person that follows everyone around in school and pretends I have friends.  
  
Robin: Oh.  
  
MLT: I'm also the one who makes fics about Thanksgiving gone wrong and such.  
  
Robin: Oh, you mean MeLoveTea?  
  
MLT: Yup.  
  
Robin: Get away from me.  
  
MLT: (sobs)  
  
Robin: Aww....quit your blubbering...  
  
MLT: (sobs even more)  
  
Robin: Okay, okay! Geez! You can come with me. Let's go find the others.  
  
  
  
  
  
~Back with the rest of the Gang~  
  
  
  
(Robin and MLT enter into the room. Wufei and Duo are in one corner, Quatre and Trowa have returned and are sitting on the couch, Heero is sitting in a La-Z-Boy recliner with Loa and Katie on each of the armrests.)  
  
Heero: Where'd Relena go?  
  
Duo: Who cares?  
  
Robin: I ditched her a little while ago on my way to the kitchen. I think she headed towards a balcony for one of her little outcries where she speaks to herself about how you will come to her, Heero.  
  
Heero: Not *again*!  
  
Duo: Beware the Ides of March.  
  
All: (turn to look at Duo) Huh?  
  
Duo: I dunno, it just came out.  
  
(Everyone glances at each other with puzzled looks)  
  
Trowa: Uhh...Duo? Are you feeling alright?  
  
Duo: The Great Destroyer has never felt better!  
  
(More puzzled looks. Everyone slowly edges away from him.)  
  
Robin: Rrrrrrriiiigggghhhht....well then...  
  
Relena (steps bouncily into the room): Hiya guys!  
  
Heero: Where the Hell were you?  
  
Relena: Well, I saw some innocent schoolchildren on the streets, so the Jerry Falwell inside of me came out, and I started forcing my pacifist beliefs on them, and said that if they didn't believe me, they'd all go to Hell.  
  
Everyone: *sweatdrops*  
  
Heero: Now, Relena, what did we tell you about speaking in public?  
  
Relena: (lowers head) I'm sorry, Heero. I--I'm just not worthy of your love!!! (Breaks down into tears and crumples to the ground like an oversized baby)  
  
Heero: Omae o Korosu!  
  
Relena: (bawling) But...but Heero...I *love* you...  
  
Heero: *eek*  
  
Relena: Oh, Heero, I've loved you since the day I met you! In fact, I knew I loved you before I met you!  
  
Duo: And let me guess...you think you dreamed him into life? You little bisnotch...Savage Garden is my *favorite* band!  
  
Quatre: I *wonder* why...  
  
Duo: Hey, shut your butt! Just 'cuz the main singer is gay doesn't mean that I've got something for him! Although, I've gotta say, he is pretty *hot*, if ya know what I mean, Heero...  
  
Heero: I was just going to shoot Relena, but I think I've changed my mind...the more the merrier, right, Trowa?  
  
Trowa: Err...right, Heero.  
  
Duo: But...err...umm...spare my life, Heero! Please!  
  
Heero: Omae o korosu, Duo.  
  
Duo: *Eek*  
  
Heero: (smirks in that ever-so-cute way)  
  
Duo: Is there any way I can stop you from shooting me?  
  
Heero: Hmm...you could beat me in a fencing duel...  
  
Duo: Err...I'll take the shooting, thank you.  
  
Heero: Or cut your hair.  
  
Duo: Whaa..? But...but you have no idea how much this braid means to me! It's my only pride and joy!  
  
Nelson Munce: Ha-ha!  
  
Duo: Why, you little... (chases Nelson around the room and out the door)  
  
Heero: (swears) I thought that I was going to really shoot him that time. (sighs) Oh well. I guess only Relena will have to go.  
  
Relena: But...but Heero...  
  
Heero: Die, Bitch!  
  
Relena: Heero! Noooooooooooooooo!!!  
  
Heero's Pistol: tch-tch POW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Heero: (insane laughs) BWAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
  
  
~And suddenly, everyone bursts into song~  
  
Heero: Ding, dong, the witch is dead,  
  
Trowa: That witch ol' witch,  
  
Wufei: The wicked witch,  
  
Robin: Ding, dong, the wicked witch is dead!  
  
Nelson: Wake up, you sleepyhead,  
  
MLT: Rub your eyes, get out of bed,  
  
Duo (coming out of nowhere): Ding, dong, the wicked witch is dead!  
  
Katie: She's gone where the goblins go,  
  
Loa: Below, Below, Below, Below, and sing the song,  
  
Sally, Hilde, Noin, Catherine, and Une (also from nowhere):Oh, ding, dong, the Merry-o!  
  
Quatre: Sing it High!  
  
Zechs (yet again from nowhere): Sing it low!  
  
Robin: Let them know the wicked witch is dead!   
  
  
All: Yahoo!  
  
  
~End~  
  
Well??? What did you guys think? Good? Bad? Funny? Stupid? I'm sure I missed some of the lyrics from that Wizard of Oz song, but who cares?   
  
REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!! Flames are accepted, though generally laghed at. k? 


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